Fell In Love With A "Straight" Man pt. 3

After that spending that night in the basketball players dorm room things had changed.  I felt the chemistry between us that I had never felt before.  I felt this connection with him that was so strong I didn’t know what was going to happen to us.  Like I said, the way he smelled drove me crazy.  The way he walked drove me crazy.  The way he talked drove me crazy!!!  HE DROVE ME CRAZY and I had just known him for 2 days.  I had never fell for a man ever and this basketball player was going to be the first man I was going to fall head over heals for.
That fall semester was a blast.  While the basketball player lived in the dorms I have my own house off campus.  I lived by myself and didn’t have no roommates.  For the most part we spent all our time at my house studying, drinking, and watching sports on the TV.  I don’t want to admit this but I was the one doing both our homework while he was the one watching my every move.
Basketball season was starting in November.  I remember one night I was at his dorm room helping him with an essay.  It was snowing really hard that night.  I as I was typing his paper he brought up something that struck me as odd.  He asked me why I didn’t go to their opening game of the season.  I didn’t have a response.  It’s not that I didn’t want to go see him play its that I didn’t know how to act in the stands while seeing him play.  I didn’t want to make things obvious, I didn’t want anyone to know I was falling for him, I didn’t even know what was happening myself.
That night as I finished up writing his paper for class he did the sweetest thing imaginable.  He told me that there next home game was going to be Friday and he expected me to be there.  My response to him was that I didn’t have anything to wear to the game.  Right then and there he opened his closet and threw him his team sweats from the previous year.  He gave me his hoodie and warmups.  He said that now I didn’t have an excuse not to be at his game.  He said that if I didn’t show up in those sweats and support him that he couldn’t be my friend anymore.  That night when I got home I put on his sweats and fell asleep dreaming about him.  Can you imagine what thoughts were racing through my mind.  Can you imagine how confused I was.  Here is a “straight” basketball player in college giving me his sweats and demanding that I wear them and go support him at his next game.
Friday night had finally come.  A friend of mine had asked me if I wanted to go with her to the basketball game that night.  Of course I told her I would go with her.  As I was getting ready I put on his basketball sweats.  They still smelled like him and the cologne he used to wear.  As I was finishing getting ready my friend came to my house.  She walked in the door and stopped in her tracks.  I could tell by the look on her face she was burning with questions.  All she landed up saying was nice sweats.  She knew who they belonged to because everyone had already seen us hanging out at school and at parties.  We pre-gamed at my house on Vodka and Gatoraide…  GROSS!!!  After we were feeling buzzed we left to the game.
As I walked into the gym that night I could feel the gazes people were giving me.  I could see people whispering.  I could feel the confusion on peoples faces as I walked in wearing his sweats.  I have to admit, it was one of the most uncomfortable settings I had ever been in.  For some reason I didn’t care because I was wearing his sweats and I was there to support him.  Having his sweats represented having some kind of promise ring from him.  Other may think different but that is how I viewed it.
As the game went on all my buddies that were on the track team came to sit with me.  I knew right then and there I couldn’t cheer for the basketball player the way I wanted to.  I felt uncomfortable and felt like the questions were going to come.  They never did.  Although I watched the game from beginning to end I never once clapped for him or stood up when he would make 3 pointers.  All I would do is cheer for him in my head.
That night after the game my friend gave me a ride back to my house.  Of course the basketball player called me when he was finished getting ready after his game.  He asked what I was doing that night and I told him nothing.  He invited to a party that some of the basketball players were throwing.  He had never brought me around his friends.  He was always hanging out with me alone or with my friends.  Now all of a sudden he wanted me to go party with his friends.  I told him I would go and pick him up and we would go to the party.
When I picked him up from his dorm room I had changed from his sweats.  When he entered the car he asked why I had changed?  He asked why I had gotten all dolled up?  He asked who was I trying to impress?  I simply replied like I always replied and said you know me, always dressing and impressing.  He laughed of course and we were on our way to the party.
When we go to the party the whole basketball team was there and all there groupy girls that clung to them.  They guys were playing beer bong.  They even had a running score board hanging with games that had been going on for months.  The basketball player had another basketball player who was always his partner.  That night the basketball player asked me if I would be his partner for beer pong and everyone just looked at him.  I said yes and we started playing.  That night we beat every team in that house at beer pong.  I couldn’t believe how great of a team we were.  He made it known that night that he found a new partner for beer pong and we were champions of the table and no one could beat us.  The whole night I could feel the stares of the other basketball players thinking in their minds, what the fuck is going on here.  I landed up partying with these fools till the sun came up.  Thank God it was the weekend because I had partied my ass off that Friday night.
I didn’t know what was yet to come.  I didn’t want to read into anything because I didn’t want to have any false hope.  All I knew was that I was falling for this man and that it was to late to turn back time.  That weekend we landed up partying the whole weekend with his friends.  It was a great weekend and I got to know the guys on the team better.  Even though they knew who I was because I was on the track team it was still comforting knowing that I knew these dudes and they would land up being good friends of mine.
That weekend would spread the worst rumors across campus.  When Monday would come I would be hit with the worst rumors possible. 

Fell In Love With A "Straight Man" pt.2

I remember it was the first day of our lab.  We had to pick a lab partner and of course the basketball player and myself landed up being lab partners.  Lab was crucial, the work load was out of control.  This class probably had to be one of the hardest classes I ever took in my college career.  That first day in lab is where our friendship began.  We sat together and tried to figure out the assignment our professor gave us.
After lab was finished we walked each other out of class.  We were bombarded with homework that needed to be completed within the next 2 days.  I remember the basketball player asking me if I wanted to meet him at the library later on that evening so we could tackle our homework.  I agreed of course and that night we met up at the library.  Of course I landed up doing all the homework.  After I completed both of our homework he invited me back to his dorm room for a drink.  I know what you all are probably thinking…  No we did not hook up.
  As we walked from the library back to his dorm room I just remember smelling him and his scent.  He had a certain scent to him that drove me crazy and always sent chills up my spine.  That night we would land up drinking an 18 pack of Natural Ice beer, the cheapest beer you could ever drink.
If you’re reading this you probably don’t know that I am the most closed person.  It is hard for me to tell you anything personal about my life.  I don’t trust people, and I certainly don’t open up to anybody.  That night in his dorm room and I told him things about my past that I had never shared with anybody.  In some strange way he reciprocated and told me things about his past.  I remember the beer ran out early and we stayed talking till about 5 in the morning.  I was on the track team so even though it was fall I still had 6:00am workout.  I landed up leaving his dorm room and driving to my house to shower and rush over to track practice.  Even with the lack of sleep I had a smile from ear to ear.
I went through that workout even breathing hard.  I remember thinking to myself how much I thought the basketball player was so cool, how much I digged him, and how much I imagined him being my boyfriend.  I wasn’t out of the closet yet when I first met him. I mean a couple of friends knew but I couldn’t be out because I was on the track team.  Not to say…  I knew I was gay, I knew I loved black men, I knew I was attracted to athletes.
This is how the ball started rolling with the basketball player and myself.  The rest of the story is an emotional roller coaster.  I hope you fasten your seat belts because it’s about to be a bumpy ride.

Fell In Love With A Straight Man

My story began 11 years ago.  I will start with my past and work my way to the future.  My story does not have a happy ending but contains happy and loving memories.  As for the ending, I’m sure anyone knows that when you fall in love with a straight man it always ends badly.
 
It was the fall of 2001 and I was in my sophomore year of college.  I remember it was the first day of class and I was sitting in the back row as usual.  Even though I maintained good grades throughout my educational career I always sat in the back of the class.  There was the most beautiful black man I had ever seen.  He was sitting in the same row as me just 3 seats down.  I could tell he was a basketball player by the clothes he was wearing.  He was wearing the team warm-up sweats and he had his hood on.  By his body language and mood I could tell he wasn’t interested in the course we were taking.

The end of class was nearing and the professor was passing around a clipboard. We were to pick a day that we wanted to sign up for the lab of the class.  As the clipboard reached the basketball player he looked at me and said, “What day are you going to sign up for?”  I was stunned and in shock.  How could he just ask me a question like that.  He didn’t even know me and yet he wanted to know what day I was going to sign up for lab.  I looked at him puzzeled and he asked again, “What day are you going to sign up for lab?”  Finally after processing everything I looked at him and said Tuesday afternoon noon.  He looked at me and said, “Cool, me too.”

That day would change my life forever.